Meet the Breakup Boys — Because heartbreak deserves judgment, humor, and a little revenge:
Chad “Average” – He’s boring, predictable, and somehow survived your past love life. Kind of meh, but dependable enough that you can laugh at him while you water him. Perfect for friends who need a little comfort without danger… but mostly for you to show him how to grow up. 💚
Rico “Crooked” – Twisted, unpredictable, and impossible to read — basically the ex that ghosted, texted, and disappeared all in the same week. He’s a mess, but your friend gets to shape him (or prune him) into something less awful. Perfect for those who love a little drama in their plant life. 💜
Gordo “Girthy” – Big, confident, a little too full of himself — literally impossible to ignore. The kind of toxic you want to admire from afar while secretly teaching him a lesson. Ideal for friends who like their heartbreak with volume and a lot of texture. ❤️
Javon “Long Legs” – Tall, sprawling, overachieving, and constantly stealing attention. He’s the one who makes your friend go “ugh, why do they get all the space?” The ultimate “trainable” heartbreak boy — give him a little love, water, and guidance, and he’ll eventually learn to be the partner your friend actually wants. 💛
💌 The Gag Gift Twist:
These are plant men for the post-breakup era — toxic enough to make you laugh, hilarious enough to decorate your shelf, and perfect for raising the man you actually like (or just laughing at the ones you don’t). Each cactus is unique, cheeky, and ready to spill all the drama right into your friend’s plant jungle.
✨ Kit Includes:
— One 4” potted Trichocereus bridgesii forma monstrose inermis (pick your breakup boy!)
— Fertilizer to help your “man” grow right
— Customizable heart with their name
— Quick-start cactus care guide
We ship all our live plants via USPS standard, but priority upgrades are available to give your new botanical treasures a smoother journey. Whether you're looking for the iconic Euphoria Mammillaria Variegated we've got the perfect addition to your collection.
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Need help? Upon checkout, peruse our propagation pro-tips in the note from the seller in your box. While rare, if a cutting doesn't make it to your doorstep in tip-top shape, fear not! Reach out within 24 hours, and we'll sort you out with a refund or a green discount. Just remember, plants can get a little cranky during transit, but we're here to troubleshoot any leafy hiccups.
So go ahead, embrace the thrill of rare gardening finds and bring home these stunning cactus. When in doubt, leaf it to us! 🌿💚
Meet the Breakup Boys — Because heartbreak deserves judgment, humor, and a little revenge:
Chad “Average” – He’s boring, predictable, and somehow survived your past love life. Kind of meh, but dependable enough that you can laugh at him while you water him. Perfect for friends who need a little comfort without danger… but mostly for you to show him how to grow up. 💚
Rico “Crooked” – Twisted, unpredictable, and impossible to read — basically the ex that ghosted, texted, and disappeared all in the same week. He’s a mess, but your friend gets to shape him (or prune him) into something less awful. Perfect for those who love a little drama in their plant life. 💜
Gordo “Girthy” – Big, confident, a little too full of himself — literally impossible to ignore. The kind of toxic you want to admire from afar while secretly teaching him a lesson. Ideal for friends who like their heartbreak with volume and a lot of texture. ❤️
Javon “Long Legs” – Tall, sprawling, overachieving, and constantly stealing attention. He’s the one who makes your friend go “ugh, why do they get all the space?” The ultimate “trainable” heartbreak boy — give him a little love, water, and guidance, and he’ll eventually learn to be the partner your friend actually wants. 💛
💌 The Gag Gift Twist:
These are plant men for the post-breakup era — toxic enough to make you laugh, hilarious enough to decorate your shelf, and perfect for raising the man you actually like (or just laughing at the ones you don’t). Each cactus is unique, cheeky, and ready to spill all the drama right into your friend’s plant jungle.
✨ Kit Includes:
— One 4” potted Trichocereus bridgesii forma monstrose inermis (pick your breakup boy!)
— Fertilizer to help your “man” grow right
— Customizable heart with their name
— Quick-start cactus care guide
We ship all our live plants via USPS standard, but priority upgrades are available to give your new botanical treasures a smoother journey. Whether you're looking for the iconic Euphoria Mammillaria Variegated we've got the perfect addition to your collection.
_________________________________________________________________________
Need help? Upon checkout, peruse our propagation pro-tips in the note from the seller in your box. While rare, if a cutting doesn't make it to your doorstep in tip-top shape, fear not! Reach out within 24 hours, and we'll sort you out with a refund or a green discount. Just remember, plants can get a little cranky during transit, but we're here to troubleshoot any leafy hiccups.
So go ahead, embrace the thrill of rare gardening finds and bring home these stunning cactus. When in doubt, leaf it to us! 🌿💚
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